Een echte klimmer ben ik volgens de arts. Ze kent mijn ski-verhalen maar weet niets van de berggenen die de Deiters-en hebben. Mijn leven is vergelijkbaar met een beklimming van een berg hoger dan de Mount Everest. Een berg zonder top die alsmaar hoger wordt. Soms even wat makkelijk, na wat goed nieuws, dan weer reuze stijl en gevaarlijk, net voor een uitslag. Heel even dacht ik na de vorige chemo kuur dat ik er al was. Dat ik deze ziekte de baas was, de top had bereikt. Fout! " Never let your guard down" zoals de Engelse zeggen. Blijf vechten. Het grootste gevaar van de vorm en status van mijn kanker is "complacency". Je hoeft maar een kiertje op te laten en het is er weer. Blijf gefocused. Blijf vechten. Denk nooit dat je er bent. Continue de beuk erin.
Mijn arts vroeg me of ik kon genieten van mijn leven. Ja antwoordde ik volmondig. Hoewel het soms moeilijk en zwaar is, kan ik van de meest gewone dag vaak echt genieten. Natuurlijk ik doe veel dingen, soms zelfs overdreven dingen, maar wat zou jij doen als je de klok hoort tikken, je er bij wijze van spreken over een paar weken/maanden er niet meer bent. Bij de pakken neerzitten? Ik dacht het niet. F##k it! Vecht en pluk de dag. Leef elke dag als de laatste. Geniet van je gezin, van de mensen om je heen, geniet van het kleine en het grootte. Doe de dingen die je altijd heb willen done. Er gaan soms dagen voorbij dat ik niet aan die K#t ziekte denk hierdoor.
Maandag na de chemo, zoals gewoonlijk sushi gegeten (gewoonte - never change a winning strategy), daarna door naar Schiphol voor de vlucht naar Manchester. Daar genoten van de grootste derby ter wereld: Manchester United tegen Manchester City. Mijn broertje en ik waren ongeveer de eerste in het stadium. Het was even spannend om de kaarten op te pikken die we via internet hadden gekocht. Maar uiteindelijk was de tussenpersoon gelukkig betrouwbaar en slechts 45 minuten later dan afgesproken bij de hoofdingang van Old Trafford. Op de seizoenskaarten van een Indiaanse stel hebben we genoten van de sfeer in het stadion. We zatten zowat op het veld. Meezingen was soms wat moeilijk aangezien het accent van de lokale Engelsman nogal onverstaanbaar is. Maar het was een avond om nooit te vergeten!
Nu een korte cycle. 23 April alweer bloedtesten en chemo. Over 9 weken weer scan. Dan is het precies 1 jaar geleden dat deze ongein begon. Eind April gaan we 2.5 week naar de VS. Ik durf nu eindelijk me erop te verheugen. Tot dan lekker fietsen, tussen 80 - 120 km per week. Heerlijk beuken op de pedalen!
Stay strong!
I will beat the statistics.
Berend
Good news! Although we are still waiting for the official results, my doctor concluded Monday that my lymph nodes had not grown. I have stable disease. What a relief! I had a good feeling but I was still pretty stressed about it during the weekend. Thursday I had had the scan. From that time onwards you have to wait for the results while the radiologist immediately could determine what it is.... that doesn't make the sense of waiting any easier. Anyway, it was again positive. Suus and I had a strong feeling that my doctor wanted to give me a positive feeling. Although she yet again was negative about possible operative steps, she concluded that my response was extremely good. She knows of one other patient who also responds well to this alternative therapy. He has been under going treatment for 3 years now. Three years may sound like very short to you as a reader, but for me it's endless. It give me hope that perhaps I will also reach that milestone. Oene will be 8 years old (and able to remember me), Eline will be a beautiful young lady of 10 and Fleur will be busy with her high school choice. Last year in June I would have blindly signed up for it. Now I am happy about that I have hope and a chance to life as long but I am still not satisfied. I want to live longer. As long as I can handle this therapy I have hope to reach that milestone. The doctor also said that if she would have to put her money where her mouth is she would put it on me from all her patients with a similar decease status!
According to my physician I am a real climber. She knows about my ski stories but doesn't know anything about the mountain genes the Deiters have. My life is like climbing a mountain higher than Mount Everest. A mountain without summit that continues to be higher each time. Sometimes it can be an easy slope, after some good news, then it can be steep and dangerous, just before a result consult. After the last chemo treatment I thought for a moment that I had reached the summit. That I had beaten this disease.Wrong! "Never let your guard down" as the English say. Keep fighting. The greatest danger of the form and status of my cancer is "complacency". You only need a crack to let it back in. Stay focused. Keep fighting. Never think that you are there. Continue the fight!
My doctor asked me if I could enjoy my life. Yes I answered wholeheartedly. Although it is sometimes hard and heavy, I can enjoy the most ordinary day. Of course, I do a lot of things, sometimes even exaggerated things, but what would you do if you hear the clock ticking? You might only have to a few weeks / months to go. Would you be in despair? I do not think so. F # # k it! Fight and seize the day. Live each day as the last. Enjoy your family, the people around you, enjoy the small and the big things. Do the things you've always wanted to do. There are days that pass without thinking of this terrible disease.
Monday after the chemo, I ate sushi as I always do (custom - never change a winning strategy), then proceeded to the airport for my flight to Manchester. I enjoyed the biggest derby in the world: Manchester United against Manchester City. My brother and I were about the first one seated in the Old Trafford. It was quite exciting to pick up the tickets that we had bought over the internet. But eventually the in-between was reliable and showed up only 45 minutes later than agreed in front of the main entrance of Old Trafford. With the season tickets of an Indian couple we enjoyed the atmosphere in the stadium. We were seated almost on the field. Singing of the United songs was sometimes difficult since the accent of your average local Englishman is quite difficult to understand. But it was a night to remember!
Now a short cycle. 23 April again blood tests and chemo. End of April we go 2.5 week to the U.S.. I finally dare to start looking forward to it. In 9 weeks again a Ct scan. It will be almost 1 year since this journey started. Until then I will enjoy cycling between 80-120 kilometres a week. Pushing the pedals to the metal!
Stay strong!
I will beat the statistics.
Berend
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